BBC star 'ashamed' after 'actively avoiding thinking' about death of loved one

University Challenge host Amol Rajan openly shared his inner battle with grief following the "shock" and sad passing of his late father, 76, after catching pneumonia. The BBC star admitted he'd "actively avoided thinking about him" since his tragic passing and recalled the exact moment life stood still when he received a dreaded "withheld number" call on 17 January 2022.

It was a nurse at the hospital who had requested for Amol to "please come immediately," further telling him "he's not responding". Amol explained he'd now been left feeling "ashamed" for not tackling his grief head on and dealing with the difficult emotions he'd purposely put to the back of his mind.

Sharing his thoughts in an honest article with the Amol confessed it was time for him "confront" his pain of three years. In his heartfelt piece for the publication, he penned: "Time is a healing balm and all that, but I'm ashamed to say that I have actively avoided thinking about him."

He added: "Grief is both universal - we all experience it - and particular, in that every grief is different according to the bond that's broken. Yet there comes a moment when you think, 'Maybe I should confront this; I'm not a kid any more'."

Amol realised it was time to face his feelings following a call from an executive producer, Anwar Mamon, who had approached him about making a film on the Kumbh Mela, a major Hindu pilgrimage and festival, known as the largest peaceful gathering in the world, that occurs every 12 years, and wanted the BBC star to be part of it.

After speaking about film plans with his family, Amol realised he had been avoiding thinking about his father.

He wrote: "I didn't want to think about my dear dad, thank you very much. But a conversation with my beloved mum and my kind wife, in the presence of my four young children, softened the scepticism."

Despite his initial apprehensions, with the support of his family and a "brilliant team," including director Brigid McFall, sound supremo Mark Roberts and Anwar, Amol did take up the opportunity to attend The Kumbh Mela, along with 500 million pilgrims from all over the globe.

The Kumbh Mela is celebrated every 12 years, however in 2025, the religious event that Amol was due to attend was to be even more memorable, with the alignment of Jupiter, the Moon, the Sun and the Earth coming together only once every 144 years - a Maha Kumbh Mela.

Many Hindu's believe that by bathing in sacred Indian rivers like the Ganges will cleanse sins and liberate souls belonging to the eternal cycle of birth, death and rebirth.

Although Amol wasn't giving away any further detail away about whether or not he had taken the plunge into the religious waters or not, he did say his father "would have been proud" of his efforts.

Amol Rajan Goes to the Ganges will air on BBC One on June 25, 2025 and is avaiable to stream on BBC's iPlayer.